a personal story  |
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|  hi there mylotters. this is a personal story of mine and kinda serious situation. some of my friend here knows that im a single mom. i have a baby boy 1 yr 7 months now. His name is jullianne. my baby stays w/ my mom there in the province because no one will tent to him here in the city because i need to work. and no extra money to pay for a nanny. i must admit that working alone or being a single mom is really a difficult thing. im the only one who supports for all my baby's need. My baby is carrying his father's last name ( how i wish not). I lost contact w/ his father since the baby is 5 months only(when the baby is on the hospital due to ameoba and UTI). I dunno where he is. But if i put some effort i could find ways to know where is that man. This pastfew months its been very hard for me financially, i'm thinking now to have contact w/ his father and ask for a support for the baby but i dont think i can do that for now. just thinking of doing that makes my body shakes. Im mad of this man actually for not having a balls to stand for his responsibility. If I can have some options or I rather say that if i only have enough money i would not let him touch my son when the times come he want to see my baby for what he did. I need your advice on this matter. Thnx my co-mylotters
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1.  towongfoo27 (1770)
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1 month ago
| |  I can relate to your story novelcai, but the child has a right to know his father, no matter how you currently feel. It would not be fair to the child to take that away. What are you going to do when the child gets older, and asks where is my daddy? Do you want to be the one held accountable for that? These days it often seems the woman has to be the adult first, and put the baby first, instead of her own personal feelings. I know that can be hard to do, and it is frustrating being a single parent, but you shouldn't let your feelings or opinions sway the chance of the child knwing his dad for who or what he really is. The child might end up resenting you later down the line, even if you resent his dad now. A lot of times, young first-time parents just need the time to come around to the fact they have a child, too, so try and give it some time. It may end up working out for the best! Stay positive and happy mylotting!
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 novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hi there towongfoo. thank you for your response. i did not anything wrong to make him stop to contact us to visit the baby staying w/ my mom there in the province. and now im struggling hard just to make sure i have something to send in the province for my baby's need. if he want to see his son i dont have any right to stop him ofcourse he is the father. but for what he did just gone w/out saying anything and w/out any reason well i dunno now what would be my reaction if i saw him. well i can be civil just for the sake of my son. im not ready yet for the time he ask about his father coz i still dont know what am i going to answer. thnks for the advice dear. happy mylotting | | | |
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2.  maximax8 (11738)
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1 month ago
| |  I am sorry to hear that in the past few months life has been difficult for you money wise. Some single moms work part time to bring in some money and get some time with the child or children. A few single moms go out to work full time and put their child into a child care setting. I think that being there for your child and having just enough money to get by would be the best life for you. Your ex sounds like an irresponsible man. It is a shame that your son has his surname. Your body shakes when you think of the possibility of contacting your ex. Therefore it could be like opening up a can of worms if you do get back in contact with him. If you get him to give money for child maintenance then he would probably expect child contact. You sound like you hate your ex and it probably wouldn't be in your son's best interests to see his dad. Every dad should be loving and supportive and those that are so nasty don't deserve any child contact. Maybe you could start up your own business. It could be small to begin with. You might be able to make friends with other moms of young children. Then perhaps you could share child care. If you make five friends you could hire a nanny for all of the children. You might be able to study for more qualifications in order to get a well paid job. Good luck and spending lots of time on wonderful My Lot will help you earn money.
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| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hi there maximax. my baby stay w/ my mom there in the province im able to see my baby 2-3x a month only because sometimes instead using the money for transportation i just send the money there. i have a fulltime work but it doesnt pay good and because i have so much personal loans in the office it seems nothing left on my payslip, im also a freelance make-up artist but not all the time there's someone who need my service. thats why im also trying my luck here online to find some ways how to earn some extra money. about the father of the my son, yeah your right. why i should make contact w/ him just 4 a financial help if he just left us the time that we needed him most (when the baby was in the hospital). im planning to change my baby's name and use mine instead of his father. but i know some story too that when the child is grown enough the father will be just shown up his self and claiming that he is the father. and i still dont know what to answer if my baby ask about his father. | | | |
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| 3. prnyroy3110 (11)
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1 month ago
| |  Hello Novelcai
Here I've a suggestion: Please don't give a damn to that man, who parted his ways when you and your child needed him the most. Your only problem is that you are not that much financially sound that you should be, right??Look!There are so many other job opportunities in this world, and now since your child stays with your mom,you just stop worrying and concentrate on making more money, just for him. And please don't get back to that man for any kinda help. Wish You & Your Child A Good LUCK!!!
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| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hi there prnyroy. is it true that you are only 19 years old? you speak like an old person. yeah your right my only problem for now is all about financial. my baby stay w/ my mom. i have a full time job but the salary is really not enough, because i have lots of bills to pay here in the city then need to send double money in the province because my mom cant go to work because she is the one who tent to my son. thats why im searching my luck here on net on how to make some extra money here. thanks for your comment and welcome here to mylot community. happy mylotting | | | |
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| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hi zearah..
yes he did not...im just very thankful that i still have my mom to help me. you really have a kind heart the way you speak on your comment. how i wish that he show his self before my son ask me who/where/what about his father. because i still dont know how to answer that question. specially now he is starting to learn how to talk. | | | |
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| 5. doglady112 (407)
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1 month ago
| | I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with things right now. I wish there was some other way but I think you have to track down your ex and take him to court. Your child needs both of his parents involved in raising him. Also I know it's hard but you need to put aside your feelings about him and let him see his child. | | | | | | |
| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hi there doglady. for sure i can set aside my feelings just for my baby's sake. but is it me the one who need to put an effort to see him and ask him that my son needs his support and a father? he left us the time we needed him most (when the baby was in the hospital) how can be a father left his son in that situation? i know time will come my baby going to ask about hi father. im not ready for that yet. thankz for the comment and happy mylotting .. | | | |
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| 6. mariemanuel (85)
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1 month ago
| | Hi there, I am sorry to read how alone you must feel with such a great responsibility. Looking after a child is truly difficult especially alone. It is good to know that he is safe with your mum. You have every right to be angry with his father especially when he left you at such a crucial junction in your life. However, considering your financial situation, he too is liable to pay towards his son. Do not make a verbal agreement on how much he should pay, he could always renege that. Instead go to court and make it legal.
All the best to you and your baby boy! | | | | | | |
| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | HI THERE MARIEMANUEL.. thnks for the respond. actually my anger is not personal,, i could feel it to anyone who just left someone in a crucial situation. i still can be civil if the times he want to talk to me about the baby but maybe i can say this because i still dont see him.. well the truth is i dunno what would be my reaction if i see him infront of the door. we are not married but my son has his father's name. im planning to change his name as advice of some other friend but some say not. im really in dilema situation. thnx for posting | | | |
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| 7. binggaling (234)
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1 month ago
| |  try to put your personal anger aside and prioritize the needs of your baby to help your parents in caring for him. if you refuse to find a way to contact him, you are letting him off the hook forever. the first and lifelong lesson of parenthood is sacrifice. try to keep the line open for his benefit unless it's harmful to the child.
a baby is born to a mother and father and is raised by both as much as possible. it is the baby's choice when he's older how to deal with his father and it is unfair to deny him that.
we are here to always listen and help and pray for you. god bless!
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| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hello binggaling. 1st of all i just want to say thank you for the advice. we are not married so i don't care what is he doing now. actually if theres a chance that we can see each other i can be civil. im just wondering hows the feeling of a man that he knows that he has a son then he forgets everything about the baby. he is the one who didnt contact us. i have the same contact number and work at the same place he knows and for god sake he knows where to see or visit his son. im just not ready yet when the time comes my son say this " mom where is my dad?" | | | |
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| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | hi there giftsandbagscom. every time i reply to each of you who respond to my discussion all the things happen before flashing back to my memories now. i even near to sleep on the street one of those days, thanks for the help of some friends. i know he is not worth to call, and beg to give some help for the expenses. im just afraid that maybe someday after all what he had done he will just show up and address his self as the father of my child. im still not ready for that moment. | | | |
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| 9. yresh12 (848)
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1 month ago
| |  Oh my.. That's very hard.There are a lot of single moms
whose going through difficult times. Having no partner who could
live with you through thick and thin it's really hard.
ALL i could advise you take a while STOP. Think about all the things
you want and what you're planning to do with you're life.Maybe you could
think of something.Seek God for help. He knows the way..
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| 10. gienavarro (1)
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1 month ago
| | I understand how you feel. Im also a single mom, it's just that the father of my son is now giving us financial help. But during those times that I am earning a lot, Im the only one who took the responsibility of all my baby's need. But upon the advice of those people who are close to both of us I ask the father of my son to have his share with all the expenses for the baby. Im so glad that he agreed, and right now he takes care of all the expenses for the baby.
I think the only problem with your situation is that if the father really cares about your son, 'cause if he did he surely knows his responsibility. If I am with your situation, I will do these two options: 1. If I feel and I know that he really cares about the baby, then, I would ask him for a financial support. I will set aside for a while the bitterness or the grudges I have for him. 2. If I can sense that he really don't care about his son, then, I don't think forcing him for a financial support would make sense. If this is the case, there would be no other ways but for me to work more harder (get 2 or 3jobs at a time if possible) so I can afford all the expenses for my baby.
Goodluck. Always have faith and you will pass through all these. | | | | | | |
| novelcai (174)
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1 month ago
| | this what really happened. i already broke up w/ him before i found out that im pregnant. then because of my situation and being so very delicate the time im pregnant we consider being together again and just for the sake of the baby. we are not married. i gave birth through CS operation and the hospitalization bill is not a joke. he gave a little money that seems that i gave birth in a lying-in center only but that never been an issue for me. my money still not enough to pay the bill my friends help me. that time he lost his job. im leave for 75 days from my work and im the only one who find money for the needs of the baby. we have unpaid house rental, electricity, water, phone and many more. plus all the baby's need everyday. then imagine that we lost our electricity because of the unpaid bill? so i need to go to my parents house in the province for the baby. he stayed w/ his sister in the city. the time that i need to come back to work i have no place to stayed because the landlord mad already because they thought that we just left the house. landlord holds all my things. he ask me to stay w/ his sister house. i have no option because i have no money left on my pocket to rent even a bed space. he got a new job that time but ofcourse he need to wait 1st before he get his 1st salary. the 1st 2 days was ok staying w/ sister but after that i heard a lot of comment. AND THEY EVEN TALKED US THAT WE NEED TO PAY RENT AND EVERYTHING AND WE NEED TO GIVE IT ON THE 1ST SALARY OF HIS BROTHER. i dont say anyhing i let them settled that thing. after 2 days i really cant stay on that house anymore because i feel that anything i touch on that house is counted even the water i took. and time to time you will hear her voice saying "life is hard to have another people in the house" thats why in the middle of the night w/ heavy rain i pack all my things and go to my friends house. i cried the whole night but i need to be strong for my baby. i talked to him after two days. i told him that we really cant stay together. i told him that he can visit the baby there in the province and also bring some stuff for his son. i gave birth month of july 2008. the last time he saw the baby is nov. he didnt come back even just to look his son when it was hospitalized month of december, he sent a little amount that time but i never saw him and that was the last time we talked over the phone. i lost contact w/ him he changed his number. and he never try any ways to contact me or to see his son.. | | | |
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